Many different thoughts

I tell you one thing, Caden is still sitting in the oven baking and taking his time and boy am i ready to see this precious baby. I went to church today which i thought i was going to go because it was really cold but i felt up to it and i even stayed all three hours. There were several people there i havent seen in a while because i havent been in a month but it went better than i thought. The whole situation im in and the adoption i thought there were going to be several people saying several things or giving their thoughts and announcing certain things but they never said anything. So it made me feel alot better about certain situations and more ready. I know its getting really close to christmas and caden is still in me and im hoping he makes his apperance before then but if not i know josh and heidi will get a great christmas gift and it will be a good one for me to give but also a very hard one. This whole situation is a biter sweet one for me. I really dont know what to expect or how im going to feel at all and im scared about that much. I dont know how its going to be at all and then the period after that ive heard several different opinions and i hope its not to hard for me. I hope i dont get depressed like alot of people say. I already know its going to hard but i hope i can be strong and not get to bad. i guess its just a wait and see process. I was on the way home from church and just thinking about caden leaving the hospital and seeing him leave with josh and heidi i think is going to be the hardest and me even leaving the hospital with him not in my arms is going to be hard. i know he is going to leave the hospital un a very cute outfit. It will be just fine for him because i know today it was 37 degrees and that is WAY cold so now its not hot anymore and he will need long sleeves. I was getting a little worried about a week ago thinking it was going ot be hott all month. I thought yesterday was going to be the day for Caden to come because alot of men(boys) dont like to shop and my mother and i went shopping all day and we were saying he can come out so he can rest instead of shopping but nope he didnt come. Well i know im ready to see caden and there are several others and well and i just hope he comes healthy and ready to explore the world.

Counting Down the Days

Well this is the first time starting this and I've learned about this through Josh and Heidi. They are just amazing people and I hope they know how much i really do love them. All three of us are counting down the days to our son Caden Daniel to be born. He is due is 7 days and boy i wish he would choose to come now because we are all ready. Josh and Heidi are going to be great parents to him and i know that because they are so caring and sweet. I met Josh and Heidi through LDS servies and thats the adoption agency I've gone through. I've chosen adoption for Caden because this is what is best for him in his life right now and i want him to have all the blessings i was able to have. It takes a person who cares about someone so much to do something that is best for them and not to be selfish. I know my feelings about this has been up and down throughout the whole process but that is normal. I dont think i would be a normal person if it was hard for me at all. There will be emotions and i know especially after I've carried him for these nine months and felt his little(not so little though) kicks and his tossing and turning. It is just a cool feeling to feel this little child inside of you moving but as these months have come to and end I'm kinda ready for him to come out because it just gets so uncomfortable. I know this little boy will be loved throughout his life and not just loved by a few i know by many. He is going to have someone that is always thinking about him and wants best for him in his life. I know Caden is a blessing that will bless josh and heidi's life in so many ways. I want them to know that it just seems like this whole year that i have been through with Demetrious that it seems like i have gone through it for them. I feel like this baby was meant for them and i know they will have so many good times with him. All i can say is these last few days is a killer because Caden is just sitting in there just relaxing and is saying he is coming when he wants to but everyone in the world is saying its alright to come NOW. I cant wait to see him and to give him a hug and kiss and to let him know how much i love him no matter what goes on in his life later on. I know he will go through struggles but just hope for the best for him and hope he doesnt have to go through what ive been through in my life. I wish the best for him and hope he always knows how much i love him.